Wednesday 16 September 2015

So... Yeah... Australia has a new prime minister... Oh. And goats. And a giraffe.

It was a Monday that's why.

What is it with new these people?

And what is it with the "Prime" part?

Now Optimus Prime had it right.
He led the Transformers for years.
So maybe Mal should change his name to "Malcolm Prime".
Maybe he'd last longer.

And just why do they want to be prime minister?

After all, the first thing our new one did is re-affirm the old ones stance on climate change and marital equality.
Why take the leadership and then say the same as the previous nut job?
Is it the money? The groupies?

And apparently they all still think that marriage equality is "Redefining Traditional Marriage."

It's already been redefined dozens of times you dumb ass.

Imagine 4AD Palestine.
So... Here's my father and Ben comes up, points at me and says "Hey. I'll have that one."

"Oh. Ok." says my father and picks up his holy book.

Starts thumbing through it and says "Oh. Sorry. Forgot. I'm an illiterate goat herder. Let's go and see a holy man."

So we all walk off to the temple because the government hasn't invented public transport yet.
Or clean water.

And the holy man thumbs through the holy book and picks one of the many "Traditional" marriages in his book and says:

"Ah yes. Here's one that fits. That'll be three goats and a cow."

And I'm "What the fuck?" although I can't use that last word because it wasn't invented until medieval times.

So Ben says "Wait. Can't I just have her as a slave and marry her later? Kinda like layby?"

And the holy man grits his teeth and says "Well... That is in the book. But the goats and cow thing is the traditional thing at the moment. So there you go."

And I'm stunned and "Seriously? Hey I'm worth more than that. The surgery alone is going to cost more than that."

So I turn to Ben and say:

"Three goats and a cow? No way dude. You want me you gotta get three goats and a giraffe. Haul your ass down to Kenya and bring back one of those fuckers."

He stares at me.

"And don't be thinking you can just lead it into Jerusalem. You gotta ride that bad boy."

"Traditional Marriage" my ass.

I want an AWESOME marriage.