Monday 19 September 2016

Leak this: A Concerned Member of the Rest of the World

Subject: Hello? Hello? Is there anybody in there?

Ok. We've watched the show.
Geting tired.
And worried.
Due to a slight issue with your constitution and electoral college system, you seem to have a problem.
The rest of the world.
It seems like you've missed the point.
We have universal health care and... Oh we don't need to go on. It's all there.
In policies similar to, but not far enough, Bernie.
We have to ask:

What The Fork Are You Doing?
You have to choose between two megalomaniacs?
One will get to the oval office and spin the chair around whooping "I did it! WooHoo!".
And the other will ask where the cameras and lights are for the upcoming series:
- Apprentice: Dept of Justice
- Apprentice: Supreme court

Time to grow up.
Please stop this.
It's just silly.
Stop it.

Sunday 18 September 2016


And speaking of birthdays...
Had my 60th recently.
And received a news letter from my local MP.
Here's a photo:

I threw a tantrum and hurled it across the room.
An admittedly restrained tantrum as I had to maneuver my walker and take my medication.
Ben, being sane and unwilling to face my ungodly wrath, left it where it was.
That was some days ago now.
It's been sitting there like a malevolent pixie jeering at me from the corner.
"I AM NOT A SENIOR!" I mutter under my breath...
I picked it up and it will be going on the BBQ tonight.
I'll be dropping a baseball bat, a roll of barbed wire and instructions on how to insert it into various orifices on my local MPs doorstep when the battery on my mobility scooter has charged.

Monday 29 August 2016

I hate airports and air travel in general

I hate airports and air travel in general.
Recently we had a short notice requirement to fly to a wedding.
And they didn't have business class.
I'd rather have driven as you get to see interesting places, people, trees, green fields and what not.
But airports?
I hate airports.
I sat there gazing at the herd (some of whom were literally unwashed), and felt airports are a metaphor for life.
Heaven and hell.
Blue skies and pain.
Practically strip searched before being allowed entry by stern faced gate keepers.
Sitting on uncomfortable chairs for ages in boredom and pain.
Surrounded by steel, plastic and faux-wood outlets selling rubbish at outrageous prices.
Signs everywhere telling you where you're allowed to go and where not.
Deafened periodically by fake calm voices warning you about leaving your life un-attended.
People milling about desperately clutching their crumpled boarding passes as if it was their personality.
And all balefully watched over by machines of unloving grace.
The air of despair and boredom seemed palpable.
It almost felt like most people had a "running fearfully from" rather than a "running joyously to" mentality.
Then standing in line at the gate desperately trying to be first to get into a tin tube filled with economy seats.
Seats? Torquemada would have taken one look at those bum numbing, elbow crushing instruments of torture and smiled.
Jamming your life into lockers and watching others brutally shove theirs in front of yours.
Having a lower back massage for hours provided by the manic kid behind you.
Drinking excessively to drown out the crying children and trying to sleep through the torture.
Arriving at yet another airport virtually indistinguishable from the first.
Frantically pushing through the mindless milling mass to get to the exit.
Oh yes.
I hate airports.
I weep for humanity.

What's your nomination for the worlds worst airport building?
Terminal 4 Heathrow?
The James Watson building LA?