Normally when we watch a sci-fi or horror movie that is bad and takes it self seriously, I rip on it.
But this movie is just plain insane.
So how would I describe it? Well. Take Bob the Builder, then add:
All the Troma films
The Banana Splits
Film it in Japanese
Laced with acid
Now you have a sense for the movie.
Things I learned:
- Vampires have flip top heads with 3,000 teeth.
- Japanese people have around 6,000 liters of blood at high pressure.
- Stiches are so last century - why not use philips head screws - which are alive.
- Blood is sneaky - a single drop can chase you around the room and charge up a mop handle.
- All nurses are sex starved sluts.
- Sumo warriors have head mounted cannon.
- Vampires have built-in blood powered roller skates.
- St Francis was a psychotic nutso-bong vampire killer.
- High school chemistry teachers follow in the footsteps of Herbert West - but with feelings and full Kabuki kit.
- Janitors are never involved with the killings.
- Frankenstein girls can fly but only by bolting their arms to their heads and spinning them.
- And have interchangeable flesh lego/meccano parts.
- Igor (the janitor) can explode into dust for no apparent reason.
YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Admittedly you'll get a hernia from laughing, but it's worth it.