Sunday 15 July 2012

Movie Reviews: "Supershark" (2011) and "The Beast from 20,000 fathoms" (1953)

Ah. The joys of video store bargain bins.
Picked up Supershark for $2.
Overpaid $2 I should say.
Ok. Result: Supershark: What a steaming pile of ass gravy.

An oil rig is using some pseudo fracking technique and opens a crack in the ocean floor out of which, for no apparent or explained reason, a frickin' huge megalodon style shark emerges.
It heads to the surface, flies out of the water, grips a crane and, despite the obvious fact that the crane would simply snap off, proceeds to topple the entire half million tons of rig ass over tit.
What? This, 5mins in, had us convulsed with laughter.
No way could you suspend disbelief here.
About the only way you conceivably believe what was happening would be if you had an IQ of 3 and had lived in a yurt your whole life.

The shark possessed some many super powers it had us in fits.
For example, at one stage it attacked a nuclear sub and blew it up.
At another stage if flew up (yes it can fly) and snarfed an F16 jet flying overhead.
And the final scene between a handful of soldiers and a walking tank (yes you heard me "walking tank") nearly had me have an aneurysm.
This shark can fly and walk on land.

The acting was not even amateurish.
Frickin' awful.

Dialogue was stunning.
In the sense of being stunned by having been hit in the temple with a ball peen hammer.

The CGI was unbelievably bad.
The shark changed size so many times you got dizzy.

Utter, utter, utter crap.
Go watch it. You'll laugh until your ears bleed.

Funnily enough the 1953 "The beast from 20,000 fathoms" used virtually the same story line.

A nuclear test in the arctic releases a huge reptile which, while not tipping over oil rigs, eats several fishing boats as it moves south to warmer climes.
It's eventually dispatched in an amusement park by a very young Lee van Cleef using an irradiated shell from an over sized rifle.
I loved the part where the monster gets pissed off by gun fire and smashes through a building to escape.
Next time you watch the 1998 version of Godzilla, you'll see echoes of the 1953 beast in it.
Apart from the fact that 20,000 fathoms is about 11 miles deep and even the Marianas trench is only about half that, and no trenches even beginning to approach that exist in the arctic, it was a very watchable film.

We didn't laugh.
Well a bit...
But seriously it was wonderfully acted and totally believable.
In that nuclear monster released and running amok kind of way.

The difference between the movies was striking.
Supershark was badly acted, badly written, badly filmed, totally ludicrous and riddled with silliness.
The beast was well acted, well written, well filmed and had the advantage of having Ray Harryhausen doing the stop motion monster.

Loved both of them.

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