Friday 23 December 2011

"Battle of Los Angeles"

Oh god.
Not the far superior "Battle: Los Angeles".
I had the sense of watching a 14 yr old with a camera trying to be Michael Bay but scarcely reaching Uwe Bolls worst attempt.
(Thinking Bloodrayne here. Cost $25m and made 2.5M)

If I had to write a synopsis, I would write as it seemed to me the director pitched the movie:
"This great spaceship, right. It comes down over LA and then smoke and stuff happens and a couple of F16 pilots try to stop it. Girl pilots! And they fail, and crash. And this guy, right, a general or something is gunna shoot one of his pilots, but then a bunch of alien ships race over and then bang, bang, pew, pew. And, and, this guy lands a WWII plane and gets out and gets helped by the modern soldiers and he's stunned, so they are gunna take him to the UFO people... You know Majestik 12. And they run and they shoot and the spaceships come down and pew, pew. And then a big ship starts chasing them and then this ninja lady jumps down and stabs the ship with her sword. Cool. So she takes them to MJ12 and they see an alien and the WWII guy starts screaming 'cos he talks alien and the alien gets free and they're running and pew, pew and they steal a ship and fly it right through the mothership! And then pew, pew and running and shooting and they kill the bad alien and the mothership crashes and... and... Wait. No. That's it."
It was appalling.
I want that 90mins of my life back.

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