Wednesday 27 June 2012

I think I must be from another planet...

I just don't understand people. Or my family. Or even me for that matter.
People keep saying things that don't make sense.
At least not in any sane way.
Maybe there is some planet somewhere where I fit in.
But obviously not this one.

For example, it was raining. And in an elevator a person turned to me and said:
"Miserable weather"
What? How can water condensing out of the atmosphere be miserable?
I don't understand.
That's like saying you had drinks with a depressed brick last night.
Or bumped into a terminally ill bus stop weeping quietly.
Or having a bunch of tulips living in fear of the coming of the great shiny cutters.
It makes no sense.

And later that day I was also in an elevator and the building supervisor said:
"Good weather for ducks"
What? Whenever I see ducks and it's raining a lot, they seem to me to be generally clustered under a bush or something for shelter. I've yet to see a bunch of ducks riding skateboards shouting "Weeeeeee" or twirling around lampposts while singing and dancing when it's raining. They're frickin' ducks. 
"What you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts"
What? Whenever I go on a swing I get violently ill. I don't avoid roundabouts on the off chance I get it back. I can honestly say that I have never been on a swing, then transferred to a roundabout and got a face full of heave. Well... Once. But it wasn't *my* heave. I *think* they mean that you may lose in one activity but you will win in the next. Not possible. Not working in IT at least. In my experience, what you lose from your budget will be matched by the loss in staff. So no gains. 
"Talk is cheap"
No. No it isn't. Look at your phone bill. And woe betide you if you think that chattering inanely to your boss will be cheap. Quite expensive in my experience.

What the frickin' hell are they talking about?

I once listened intently to a discussion between a group of people once and figured out that at least nine out of ten of the statements they made were meaningless drivel. And what's worse is that the remaining 10% was being actively ignored by the others. I decided that the only appropriate analogy would be if you placed 4 radios on different channels and placed them around a table and you'd get the same result.

I've been told it's called 'bonding'.

I'm confused.

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