Thursday, 7 June 2012

Sigh. The roller coaster of life.

Mother had another fall last Sunday.
So off to hospital again.
Chest pains, back pains, breathless.

Spent most of the day with her on Monday, then half a day again on Tuesday.
She looked absolutely awful and was obviously in serious pain.
May be pleurisy or just a chest infection - X-Rays, ECG and so on while they figure it out.

So. Dialysis Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and again today.

I was finding myself wondering if this was 'it'.

Then I found myself on Wednesday morning at 6am washing her underwear with tears rolling down my face knowing I had to go to work after a visit to the hospital.

I realised I had to trim down the things I'm dealing with at present.
Mother, Health, Work.
Had to lose one.


So I composed myself and a letter to the company I helped build and delivered it Wednesday.

So. This afternoon I have been dry-retching with stress and to top it off I seem to have developed a cold so I'm may now be an infection hazard. It's probably just stress but I can't risk it. So I can't go in and see my ailing mother this afternoon. I've advised the nursing staff, and in particular Imogen (A spectacularly nice person), to tell my mother. My sister has also been advised.

If I'm not in such a state late today or tomorrow morning, I will go in. Right now... Well. I need to calm down.

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