Saturday, 25 August 2012

Origins: Super heroes fails.

Dammit it annoys me when us geeks and nerds wax lyrical about "origins."
Bollocks.
Most modern super heroes have mediocre to batshit crazy origins.
Take these for example:

Aquaman:
The hero everyone thinks is a sweetie.
Son of Tom Curry. Not Tim Curry I might point out.
His real name is Arthur.
Yes.
Arthur.
His arch nemesis was his half brother Orm. An amnesiac.
His kryptonite is anti-water. That is, if he doesn't bathe each hour he dies.
He was actually the leader of the Justice League along with...
And get this...
Martian Manhunter, Zatanna, and Elongated Man.

Ok. I'm done laughing. Let's move on.

Ironman:
Nutter arms manufacturer who kills communist Vietnamese agents in the 1960's.
No heart problem.
That came later.
His armour was gray not gold or red and he looked like the michelin man.

Ace the Bat-Hound:
What? Yes Batman had a dog.
Got his super powers from Bat-mite, an imp like Mxyzptlk.
What? Yes. Really.

Speedy:
Green Lanterns off sider.
A heroin addict.

Seriously.
I could go on. But you get the drift.
The pap they splash out on movies to make money has nothing to do with the origin of these loonies.
They're not heroes.
They're nutters.

But...
What the heck.
Good fun.

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