Thursday, 26 April 2012

Today has been stressful - so I decided to play an XBox game

Today was quite stressful. I kinda broke down a bit. Had to tell my boss I had to go home. Not going into details just yet but all will become clear later.

Anyway. Went home and did a bunch of work to try to keep my sanity. Then I stopped and was still at "sixes and sevens" as they used to say. So for the first time in frickin' decades I played a game.

I normally don't play games. Reason? I'm crap at it. Mashing buttons, firing and jumping wildly about like some lunatic. That kind of thing. And we've been watching play throughs of games by Rad Brad on YouTube. Stream of consciousness game play. So here's my transcript of my attempt to play Star Wars II on the XBox...

"What the? How do you shoot things? What's that? Hey! I can jump! Oh. That's how you shoot. Wow. Those dudes are firing at me. Take that, stupid thing with a weird shark head thing! What the? There's a flower pot on a space ship? Take that flower pot! Why aren't there chairs? I wanna throw a chair. Oh. Oh. Computers! Take that computers! Pew! Pew! Sh*t those imperial dudes are shooting at me! Take that! Wow. You can beat them up! Hah! Does C3P0 fall to bits when you thump him? HAH! Yes he does! They fall to bits when you thump them! Take that storm trooper! Oh sh*t I've fallen down a hole. Oh. And again. Jump Leia! Jump! Oh sh*t. Jump! Oh for f*cks sake. Shoot! Ah. Got it. Wait? I have to become C3P0? Er. Ok. Stupid droid. Hearts! Hearts! Oh! The cantina! Can I shoot everybody? Hey! This is cool. Shooting. Shooting. Damn. Those bastards are shooting back! Why the f*ck do they do that? Oh yeah. I'm shooting at them. But I'm jumping around like a spastic lunatic! How can they even f*ckin aim?  Oh look. If you hide the gun they stop shooting. Cool. Must have killed dozens of them. Oh Crap! Look! There's frickin' rats! Wait? Are they rats? Or mini-roos? Whatever. How many can I kill? Hey I can jump AND shoot! What's that stupid furry bantha thingey doing? Slow as f*ck. Argh. Fallen down a gap again. Hey look! They do come back and in larger numbers! Take that stupid... stupid... what the f*ck are those dudes called again? Making that weird noise and waving those stupid guns in the air. Ah f*ck it. Just kill 'em. Stamping! Stamping! Oh look gold studs and hearts. Gotta get those hearts!"

Hence the reason I don't play games more often.

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